I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
