I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
