You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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