Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
