just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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