i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
