why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
