i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
