i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
