i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
40s are totally the cure
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
