walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
