apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
