i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
