It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
