My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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