the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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