hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
