i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
