No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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