my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
