She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
