Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
