that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
