no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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