I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
