i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
