I feel like abortions should bother me more
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
