Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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