you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
