He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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