Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
