Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my being single is dangerous.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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