My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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