What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
