I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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