complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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