he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
