all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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