Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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