I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
