Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
