I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
