remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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