I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
