My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You are a genius and a whore.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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