no, he came in my armpit
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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