hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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