$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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