My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize