my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
