The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
