oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
