I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
