Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
