well I can't set my house on fire every night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
