I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
