Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
