I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
