i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
