Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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