You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
