i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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