My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
