Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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