What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
