Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
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Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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