New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize