You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
