..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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