I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and i looked up. we had an audience...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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